Victoria's Secret Fashion Show 2011

Done watching the show, and I must say... very interesting!

Overall, the VS girls are looking thinner this year. I'm actually pretty surprised, because they're usually known for being a little fuller than typical runway models.

Take for example Karlie Kloss:



I don't think I've ever seen a VS model that skinny before. And what does anyone see in Karlie Kloss anyway? Her hips are way too big and look gross in proportion to the rest of her.

And there was also a blonde model with her neckbones sticking out in a close up shot.

If VS is going to start choosing skinnies, they have to be a bit smarter about it. A lot of people are going to comment on how much thinner they were this year.

Still, an amazing show, and major thinspo. Every day it's becoming clearer to me that fat is not acceptable. The thinner the better!

Watching Some Amazing Thinspo

Woa! Major thinspo. In the middle of watching the Victoria's Secret fashion show on youtube. What timing! Amazing thinspo to help me recover from last night's binge.

Although the angels are told to maintain a healthy look, rather than a super skinny one, most of them still look hot.

And their bums! It's really making me want to work on fixing my own poor flat ass :(

Don't Ever Tell

It was a weird morning. Hubby and I aren't speaking, and yet there is an odd sense of calm pervading the house as opposed to tension. Like the calm after the storm.

I quietly checked out his arm, and together we came up with a 'story' to tell if anyone was to notice the welt. Master 4 seemed fine and didn't say anything. One thing was for sure, Hubby and I were united in our desire to keep last night to ourselves.

Marriage is like Ana. When things go bad, you just don't tell.

Once you talk to an outsider, it's all over. A stigma is created in the minds of those that know you. You are suddenly not all 'perfect' anymore. Suddenly, you're troubled.

Famous Anas and Mias stick out in my mind. Tracey Gold. Princess Di. Mary-Kate. And now Dianne Keaton joins the list.

Imo, they are tarnished now. I can't help but look at them differently. Not good enough to be 'naturally thin,' a voice tells me.

Don't ever tell

Don't ever tell

Find your happiness in emptiness

And all will be well

Big Blow Up with Hubby

WOW. We had a doozy tonight. It seemed like it was just going to be another ordinary night......

Hubby picked up groceries... Hubby was putting dinner together because I have had a headache... (I say 'putting together' because his and the kids' dinner was just tortillas with grated cheese, canned red kidney beans and a side of steamed broccoli (which ever-healthy Hubby avoided eating). I had leftover spicy kidney bean chili and a big heaping of broccoli.

First, I got on Hubby's case a little. He had taken 20 minutes to open the cans of beans and chop broccoli. I wasn't feeling the best, but dinner was late and the kids were hungry. I needed to take over. I thought I did it tactfully, I definitely didn't snipe at him, but he obviously took offense (as usual). I did, however, tell him that he needed to be more responsible about feeding the kids on time, and that he shouldn't dilly dally so much in the kitchen.

This put ego sensitive Hubby in a bad mood.

He had the look of death all through dinner. I wanted to say something, but just kept my mouth shut (something I have to learn to be better at ;)

Then it happened. After dinner he was kneeling down when along came Master 4, accidentally tripping over Hubby's foot. This made Hubby rise up like the evil genie in Aladdin!

"Aaarrh!!" he yelled. "That fucking hurt. Be more fucking careful, you little idiot!!"

And as he said "you little idiot" he bashed my son over the back of the head with his hand.

Master 4 was shocked, as was I. I couldn't believe it. I still can't even believe it as I'm writing this (Hubby has just now gone up to his 'man cave' and is watching TV).

Master 4 was in tears, and grabbing at the back of his head in pain. I comforted him momentarily, whispering soothing words into his little ear.

Then something took over inside me. An animalistic instinct. I was enraged. I was incensed.

"I must protect my children," I thought. "You will not hurt my children."

My eyes travelled across the room and landed on an aluminium jug from IKEA. "No, too lightweight," a voice said. Then before I knew it I had grabbed the rolling pin out of the drawer and clobbered Hubby with it on the back of the arm as hard as I could.

:::::::::::::shudder::::::::::::::::

I've never, ever, ever, hit anyone before IN MY LIFE. I once threw a bag of macadamia nuts at Hubby, and I had once tipped coke on him (on purpose), but never anything like this.

I obviously wasn't thinking clearly about what would happen after I struck Hubby, because enraged Hubby then tried to grab the fucking rolling pin off me and use it to hit me!

"You fucking bitch," he spat. "I'm gonna get you now."

Hubby raced after me into the kitchen where I wasted no time in picking up a knife. This forced him to back off, after which he calmed down and continued cleaning up the dinner dishes as if nothing had happened.

On the other hand, I sank down into the couch, my heart palpitating. I began sobbing. I couldn't believe this was even HAPPENING. The last few days, Hubby and I had actually been getting along well.

"Good Mama, good Mama," Master 4 said soothingly into my ear. I think he was even stroking my arm. Btw, good Mama is just his way of saying 'I love you', not that he was congratulating me on my aggressive defense of him or anything.

I could feel the adrenalin coursing through my body. For some reason the bum bone (?) at the base of my spine was throbbing.

I almost immediately treated myself to two of Master 4's fun size kit kats, just to take my mind off the nightmare that had just unfolded. Later on, I had a complete binge (which I promise to make up for tomorrow!). The binge consisted of two fun size kit kats and two fun size crunchies. Ugh!! It is so hard having to be around chocolatey treats. When I was on my own, I would actually have to drive to the shops if I wanted to binge on anything more substantial than rice crackers and dill cottage cheese.

So that's it, diary. CHILD ABUSE and DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. And apart from the huge welt on the back of Hubby's arm, and the chance that Mister 4 could blab about it at preschool, no one will ever be the wiser.

:::::::::::sad sigh::::::::::::

Measurements

WARNING: CONVOLUTED POST (don't say I didn't warn you!)

Today I was reading all about the ideal female body proportions. Admittedly, a lot of the info was new to me, and that also made it very interesting.

For starters, BWH means the measurement in inches of your bust, waist and hips. I already knew this. 31-21-33 is the BWH of beautiful model, Vika Falileeva, that has been featured recently on another popular skinny blog. She has a tiny waist!!

An unnamed agency in the UK recommends that your BWH should be 34-26-34 or less. Also, if you are shorter than 5'8", your BWH should be significantly less in order to be proportionate to your height. Vika, for example, is 5'10.5" so her height makes her proportions look even thinner.

I also found out about Waist Hip ratio. It is desirable to have a WH ratio of under 0.8, and to work this out you divide your W by your H. Vika has an amazing WH ratio of 0.6!

However, according to recent studies that are trying to define what is attractive in this day and age, having a low BMI is more important than having a low WH ratio. For example, Marilyn Monroe had a small WH ratio (maybe 0.6 or 0.7), but nowadays she is considered to be, well......big. That's because her BMI would have been too high. I also think that if you have a nice, low BMI (around 17 or 18, or 16 if you are a model!!), then you will naturally have a smaller WH ratio.

Someone like Kim K would have a very small WH ratio, but then she has too high BMI for my liking...just like Marilyn.

I warned you, this is all very convoluted stuff!!!

Read on if you dare.... :)

This all got me thinking about my own weight and measurements. Who am I kidding? I think about my own weight all the time, my measurements not enough :(

I currently weigh 125lbs with a BMI of 19.2. My BWH is 35-29-35.

::::::::::::::::::::CRINGE:::::::::::::::::::::::

I constantly get compliments on how thin and even 'tiny' I am........

People who don't know say I'm 'naturally thin'...............

But that fucking waist??!!! 29 inches. I feel like a big, fat whore just thinking about it!!

Also, my hip measurement is all hips and no ass::::::::::::::sob::::::::::::::::::

I need to drop 10lbs asap. I also need to gain some muscle because I don't have a very active lifestyle, and my once youthful, grabbable bum has disappeared. So even though 125 might sound small for someone who's 5'7", we all know that muscle weighs more than fat, and that 125lbs is almost pure fat, I'm sure of it.

Luckily I tend to lose weight on my stomach the easiest. I always thought that I did have a slim waist. I think I must have been fucking delusional. Instead of hourglass, my body is 'athletic' :(

Come to think of it, I can't even be considered athletic, because athletes always have a muscular bum.

Anyway, all this has given me a new best friend ---- the tape measure! Paired with my digital scale, I know they will not lie to me.

Stay tuned, diary, I am determined to drop 10lbs and 3" off the waist!

A Therapeutic Diary

Well, I can't afford a real therapist. And even if I could, I would never be able to get away anyway.

On Saturday I got an hour to myself to go to my friend's designer boutique. Oh, happy hour!! I was surprised to see a long time friend who I haven't caught up with in years behind the counter, and I rightly told her that I could be Cinderella for an hour, then at 1pm I would turn back into a pumpkin!

My friend encouraged me to try on the whole shop, which I did happily. She even picked out a navy blue mini dress for me to try on, which turned out to be my favourite outfit.

I ended up buying just a mini skirt and a couple of designer aprons which will add some much needed cuteness to my domestic duties.

So, diary, I'm sure you will listen just as well as a real therapist would. Probably even better, because you won't check your watch and wonder 'When is this girl gonna get over herself?" :)

Stay thin and feel the hunger my sweets.